Models has a bad reputation due largely to the author's prior association with the pick-up artist community, but the book and author alike criticize that group for failing to find meaningful connections. In a line, Models argues that men can forge successful relationships by (1) making themselves interesting by having interests, (2) identifying the type of women that they're attracted to, and (3) finding way to meet and connect with those women. This approach to dating may seem obvious, but it's refreshing to have it cleanly stated and carrying an actionable plan at the end.
- A man's attractiveness is inversely proportional to his neediness (Manson makes an evolutionary argument for why this is the case, but doesn't cite any studies confirming this. However, I personally have found this to be true, so I'll buy it)
- Relationships frequently fail because the man invests more time and energy in the woman until he becomes unattractive
- Successful relationships are formed when the man continues to invest in himself even as the relationship progresses
The Importance of Rejection
- Available women can be divided into three categories: interested, uninterested, unsure
- Women in the unsure category usually quickly decide whether they're interested or uninterested
- Rejection is a critical feedback mechanism that tells you whether someone you're interested in is also interested in you
- Getting rejected is great because it sends you a clear signal that this interest is not a good match for you
- Rejections are awkward and painful, so we avoid placing ourselves in situations in which we get rejected. This is problematic because we need that signal to avoid wasting time pursuing someone who isn't interested or isn't a good match.
- Breaking the habit of avoidance is painful, embarrassing, and prone to excuses. You need to intentionally work on building up confidence.
- Manson defines lifestyle as living our lives based on our values. This is important for communicating to others that we have genuine values and interests.
- Part of this is choosing a demographic that interests you. What type of woman (appearance, values, hobbies, work, family) do you want?
- Fashion and Fitness. Both seem to operate largely using a threshold. You don't have to be an olympian or a supermodel, but you should hold yourself to wearing decent clothes, grooming yourself appropriately, watching how much you eat and exercising appropriately
- Don't buy bullshit rationalizations. Figure out what types of patterns you exhibit and break pattern by creating explicit goals and working towards them. Ask a friend to keep you honest if necessary
- Break porn habits. Delete all data. Masturbate nly once a week. Require yourself to think of a real woman you've met. Porn isn't inherently bad, but it does permit one to get lazy. You fantasize about imaginary shit and forget to live in the real world.
- Manson defines boldness as bein comfortable with our intentions
- Why you say something is far more important than the words you actually say
- The key action is vulnerability. Vulnerability includes placing oneself in a position to get rejected (e.g. saying a potentially unfunny joke or asserting a possibly offensive opinion). Vulnerability implies confidence, which equates to social power
- Be willing to establish boundaries (e.g. "making fun of my friend isn't acceptable and I'd like you to apologize) and be willing to walk away
- One trick is to turn questions like "Will she like me?" or "What can I do to impress her?" into "Will I like her?" or "How will she try to capture my attention?"
- Women go out (usually) because they hope to meet someone. They want you to charm them. They're rooting for you.
- Accept anxiety. Don't feel obligated to hide it. You can overcome anxiety by taking intentional training steps e.g. just starting a conversation, then asking for a number, etc.
- Bold actions are good because they lead to polarization. Polarization is good because it pushes an unsure woman towards interested or uninterested
- Don't be so bold as to violate every social norm. There's a difference between being comfortable in what you say and do, and breaking every norm because you're socially oblivious
- Manson defines communication as expressing oneself clearly
- Manson defines creepiness as behaving in a way that makes a woman feel sexually insecure, whereas flirting is behaving in a way that makes a woman feel sexually secure
- Consider romantic novels for women: the male archetype is always a rugged, high status, private man who opens up to the woman
- Be willing to share motivations, emotions, life stories. People connect better through feelings, not facts
- Always approach from the front. Don't spend time thinking of a clever introduction - you're displaying neediness with an implicit "I'm going to spend time on this because I really don't want to fail." Follow a straight line. Practice smiling.
- Improve conversation skills. Use effective langugae, with intentional word choice and high word economy.
- Write out thoughts on the following topics: (1)passions, favorite things, (2) dreams, ambitions, life goals, (3) best/worst life experiences, (4) childhood, family life, upbringing, background
- Watch comedians on Netflix/wherever to learn how to tell good stories
- digital communication is terrible. Use it to set up in-person interactions.
- Regarding dates: In general, nighttime (6-9) is good. Avoid dinner dates in favor of active, participatory dates. Find venues/activites nearby because they're easy to reach -> she's more likely to come.